Let your identity and honesty do all of the attracting for you.

Most men relate to the idea of trying to attract a woman without looking like you’re trying. Or trying to be cool without looking like you’re trying to be cool. Entire books and schools of dating advice have been built on this idea — pursuing a woman without actually letting her know that you’re interested in her.

Sounds like a lot of work, unnecessary work at that.

Like we described before, this works, but it’s a short-term solution that requires a lot of time and effort. In my opinion it’s a terrible investment of time and effort. You may as well invest that time and effort in yourself and let your identity and honesty do all of the attracting for you.

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Ultimately, it’s unconfident behavior and no matter how much misdirection you run on a woman, you’re going to inevitably show your true self. The only women it’s going to work on are the ones who are so unconfident themselves that they’re willing to tolerate your unconfident behavior.

On top of that, walking the tightrope of pursuing her without looking like you’re pursuing her requires a lot of attention and effort. You can slip up easily. It’s very unforgiving and ultimately, not a very enjoyable process. Besides, all of the attention and effort on “gaming” women this way ironically encourages you to be even more highly-invested and needy therefore decreasing her likely attraction for you.

Honestly demonstrating your interest in a woman short-circuits this issue. It’s a loophole in the investment paradox.


The debate of whether to show interest to a woman or to not show interest to a woman has been raging in men’s dating advice for well over a decade now. And as time goes on, the show interest camp has slowly pulled ahead. It’s leading to more success, less effort and more honest interactions for men the world over. And here’s why:

The biggest criticism of showing interest to a woman that you want to be with is that it immediately shows you as highly invested in her responses. When you say, “You’re cute and I wanted to meet you,” that translates roughly to, “Hi, I want to be with you and am officially invested in the prospect of it happening.”

What they miss though is the sub-communication going on underneath what’s actually being said.

The sub-communication is, “I’m totally OK with the idea of you rejecting me, otherwise I would not be approaching you in this manner. Therefore I’m comfortable with myself and my prospects.”

Think about it, if a guy wasn’t comfortable with the prospect of a woman rejecting him, he wouldn’t have been honest in the first place. In fact, he would have pretended that he wasn’t actually interested in her!


The fact that he honestly approached her with his intentions, that he put his nuts on the chopping block and made himself vulnerable to her immediately, actually sub-communicates True Confidence and attractiveness in itself. And on top of that it shows desire for her, which is going to trigger her arousal.

Remember: what you actually say doesn’t matter; WHY you say it matters.

Always. No exceptions. You can have the best line in the world, but if you’re saying it because you’re unconfident and are desperate for validation and approval from women, then she is immediately going to sense that you’re highly invested, and therefore low status, not confident and not an attractive man. It won’t work.

This is why using pick up lines is ultimately a futile process. I could sell you the best 100 things I’ve ever said to women, but I can’t ever sell you my intentions or my confidence in myself. You must develop those on your own. And once you do, the actual lines you say will be personal and congruent to you and nobody else.

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