Obviously, you are not going to desire the majority of the women in the world. So we can cross out all of the ones who are physically not to your taste. If you don’t find a woman attractive, don’t approach her, don’t hit on her, don’t do anything. It’s not practice if she’s not hot; it’s desperation.
That said, decide whatever you like in a woman by your own standards. If you like big girls or curvy girls, go for it. If you prefer black girls with dreadlocks, more power to you. If you like older women or younger women, cool. Don’t pressure yourself to live up to someone else’s standard. And again, for the love of god, if you don’t find her attractive, don’t feel a need to pursue her.
For practical purposes, we can divide up all of the women you’re attracted to into three categories: Receptive, Neutral and Unreceptive.
Women who are Unreceptive are just that: they’re unavailable and/or uninterested in having a sexual/romantic relationship with you. The most common reasons that put women in this category are the following:
- You’re far lower status than she is, and she’s therefore not attracted to you.
- She has a boyfriend/husband and is happy in her relationship.
- There’s too much friction preventing her from being willing to date you, such as difference of values, difference of interests, bad logistics, etc.
- She’s not interested or looking for any man at the moment.
The way to tell if a woman is Unreceptive is if she repeatedly does not reciprocate your signs of interest and/or shows you signs of disinterest. If you invite her out for coffee and she insists on bringing one of her friends, then she’s Unreceptive. If you call her three times and she never calls back, then she is Unreceptive. If you approach her and she explains that she just wants to spend time with her friends tonight, then she is Unreceptive. If you hang out with her and she talks about how frustrated she is with her boyfriend and how you’re such a good listener, then she’s Unreceptive. No exceptions. Many men waste a lot of time convincing themselves that Unreceptive women may actually like them. Usually they don’t.
The next category is Neutral. This category can be difficult for men to understand because it’s not as common for us as it is for women. Typically, a man knows within a few seconds if he’s willing to meet and sleep with a woman or not.
Women aren’t like that. They spend a lot of time being unsure about a man and need to be swayed one way or the other. They’re fence-sitters in many situations. Women in this category are usually women who you’ve just met or have only a little bit of time with. The important thing to know is that women do not ever stay in this category. They eventually polarize one way or the other. And if you never make an advance or show interest in them, then they will always polarize towards being Unreceptive (this is the Friend Zone, which we’ll cover in a minute).
Neutral women are generally that, neutral. They will not turn down your offers, but they won’t offer or reciprocate themselves. The jury’s still out. They’re still testing the waters. Or sometimes, they just haven’t considered you in that way yet. A Neutral woman for instance, if you touch her on the back will not move away, but she will not move toward you or give you any signal that she likes it. The goal with Neutral women is to polarize them through your behavior. This may mean being more aggressive. It may mean flirting with them or teasing them. It may mean asking her on a date. Whatever it is, the goal with Neutral women is to take an action that forces her to make a decision about how she feels about you. Which side she polarizes to is less important than actually taking action and forcing her out of her neutrality, as remember, if you leave her to her neutrality, she will always eventually become Unreceptive and not see you as dating material.
And remember, showing your desire arouses women. Being overinvested turns them off. So it all comes down to how you show them your desire. It comes down to how you polarize them. This, in a nutshell, is what a guy with “game” is: a man who can polarize quickly and confidently.
And in the final category, women who are Receptive are already sexually attracted to you the moment you meet them. You can recognize women who are Receptive in two ways: they initiate with you and/or they reciprocate your actions enthusiastically.
Some examples of a woman initiating with you:
- She makes strong eye contact with you and doesn’t break it.
- She approaches you.
- She touches you unprovoked.
- She asks for your number or invites you out with her/her friends.
- She asks you a lot of questions about yourself and seems genuinely interested in you.
- She introduces you to her friends.
- She gives you her number.
- She comes up with some excuse/story/reason for you to hang out with her, or spend time with her.
These are all concrete examples of a woman initiating with you. Chances are, if you’re reading this blog, many of the girlfriends or sexual experiences you’ve had with women only happened because she initiated with you. That’s fine. But just going about your life, unless you are extremely good-looking or have a great lifestyle, or manage to meet women through good social contacts, few women are going to initiate with you and the few who do won’t initiate often.
In fact, most women, especially hot women, even if they’re attracted to you, won’t initiate with you. Remember, women tend to be less invested before sex, therefore they (usually) expect men to initiate in the beginning. There are also strong cultural pressures on women to wait for the man to initiate.
The other way women demonstrate that they’re Receptive is when they reciprocate. It’s important to recognize the subtle difference between a woman reciprocating your advances and a woman being neutral toward your advances. A woman who is Neutral will simply not respond at all. For instance, if you touch a Neutral woman on her back while you speak to her, she’ll just act like you’re not touching her.
A woman who is reciprocating will do something to respond positively to your advance. Think of it as her signaling to you that she accepts your advancing on her and likes it. If you touched a woman on the back and she wanted to reciprocate, she would either lean back into you, lean in closer to you, or touch you in return.
Here are some other common examples of reciprocation:
- She ignores her friends to stay and talk to you.
- She keeps very strong eye contact and laughs a little too much at everything you say.
- When you touch her, she touches you in return.
- When you put your arm around her, she leans into you.
- When you take her hand to move somewhere, she holds it in return.
- When you ask her out on a date, she offers a place to go or mentions something she’d like to do with you.
Most interested women will reciprocate on small signals to show that they’re interested in you. Catching on to how women reciprocate and noticing the signals is something that you develop with experience, but it shouldn’t be too hard if you know what to pay attention to.
A lot of the methods of flirting that we’ll cover in Part V will address the specific ways in which women reciprocate and how to handle them. Unfortunately, the vast majority of women you will meet, assuming you’re a typical guy, will be either Neutral or Unreceptive. This is true for the vast majority of the male population, myself included, so don’t worry. The percentage of women that you meet in each category will vary widely from man to man and also vary widely depending on the context in which you meet women.
For instance, you could be a 40-year-old investing mogul, and at networking events or conferences, you may find that 40% or more women are Receptive and few make themselves Unreceptive or Neutral. But that same man can go to a nightclub full of drunken 20-year-olds and soon find that only 1% of women are Receptive or Neutral, and 99% are Unreceptive.
The exact percentages of women falling into each category aren’t really that relevant. A lot of men, and even a lot of dating advice books, misplace a lot of time and effort due to not understanding these three categories. For instance, men will waste a lot of time and energy trying to convince a married woman to sleep with them, or polarizing a woman who is already Receptive to them. This is just wasting time and energy.